I am an HIV-infected person who is infected through mother-to-child transmission. Since birth, I have been inseparable from highly active antiretroviral therapy (ART). I remember when I was young, I didn’t understand why I took pills that were bigger than my fingertip every day. It was so bitter and hard to swallow. My mother must act tough and talk soft to make me take the medicine. Each time when we visited SAC Centre, I enjoyed so much in the Centre as I had good friends with same age and we played together with centre staff. Tutorial and interest classes such as dim sum cooking had been organized for children groups, so we had wonderful time when we were hanging around there. During the summer vacation prior to my promotion to secondary school, my mother and Nurse Lau from the centre, told me about my HIV infection. This was the first time I heard the word ‘AIDS’. I still remember that my mother hold my hand and kept crying. Nurse Lau patiently explained to me why I was infected and the reason I need to take the medicine for life time. Also, she taught me the ways to respond when someone asking me about taking the medicine. At first, I didn't understand thoroughly. As I grew up, I became more aware of HIV/AIDS and felt the pressure of being an infected person with HIV.

Being a girl in early twenties, every time when my mind flashes ‘Why me?’ tears will naturally come out from my eyes. Although life is not much different from others, I still worry that other people might discover my HIV identity and discriminate against me. I am afraid to face my future partner and worry about whether I can have children. The invisible fear in the heart is not easy to erase and such a big burden is difficult to share with other people. Recently, I participated in the Art Therapy Workshop organized by the Centre to release stress through learning painting. Our group used different colors and compositions to express our thoughts and feelings during the painting process. We could create and share our thoughts, journeys and expectations freely. Our artworks were exhibited in the community. I became a volunteer ambassador to introduce the exhibits to the public and promote the prevention of HIV infection. I hope that people in the society will understand what is HIV/AIDS, walk into our shoes and eliminate discrimination against people living with HIV/AIDS.:

Twenty years ago, on Christmas Eve, when everyone was excited to celebrate Christmas, a thin body full of tubing was lying on the hospital bed with empty eyes staring at the ceiling and waiting for the death to come. The doctor said, "You are infected with HIV, now it is the stage of AIDS. Your lung function is almost completely lost. We will start the treatment now and I hope the situation can slowly improve." In fact, when I heard the word ‘AIDS’, my mind only flashed with the words ‘Terminal’ and ‘Death’. I could not hear anything that the rest of the doctor said.

After being treated in the hospital for nearly six months, my physical condition was stabilized. However, my fear to the future life increased especially afraid of being discharged from hospital. As the doctor expected I could be supported for drug and treatment adherence after discharging from hospital, I was referred to the Society for AIDS Care (SAC). Miss Lee, a nurse, from SAC visited me and introduced their services. Actually, at that moment, I had no hope for the future and did not care for the medication. :

After leaving the hospital, I did not go to work or contact others anymore. Except my closest elder sister visited me sometimes, the person I met most was Nurse Lee. She visited me every week, taught me how to organize the drug box and followed up with my medication adherence. In facing of dozens of medicines that need to be taken every day, I really resisted in my heart with the thought that if the rest of my life like this, it is meaningless. I stopped taking the medicine myself, discarded the medicine every day and lied to Nurse Lee that I had taken the medicine. Of course, my health condition began to deteriorate and I was once again admitted to hospital because of lung infection. Nurse Lee kept on visiting me every week and one day I said to her, "You don't have to spend time on a hopeless person." She held my hand and said to me, "If you want, you will have hope." My tears burst.

Nurse Lee encouraged me as a singleton to join the healthy soup session in SAC Centre and make friends with other members. From the initial silence to the establishment of friendship with other members, everyone talked about the bit by bit of life, sometimes laughed and sometimes cried, I started willing to share myself. Today, I still insist on going to the center every week to drink soup and gather with friends. Having past twenty years, I have slowly come out from the bottom of life. In addition to the grateful support from the center and members, the advancement of medication and treatment has also helped me a lot.

Pregnancy is an unforgettable experience for a woman and the coming of the new life is a valuable gift. When I heard the doctor telling me that I would be a mother, both my husband and I were very happy and we began to prepare for the coming of our baby. After the first antenatal check-up, I suddenly received a call from the clinic one day and asked me to visit the doctor as soon as possible. The doctor told me that the blood test showed that I was infected with HIV. I should consider whether to continue with the pregnancy and need to start treatment immediately. When I heard this news, my mind was blank. I did not know what to do but kept shedding tears. The doctor immediately referred me to the AIDS Clinic for follow-up. At that time, I hoped to continue to conceive, but I was afraid that my baby will be infected too. My heart was very contradictory..

The specialist explained in detail that we should start taking highly active antiretroviral therapy (ART) to control the virus immediately. As long as we could suppress the viral load, the risk of infection to the fetus would relatively reduce. Both my husband and I hoped to have our own children and decided to continue the pregnancy. At the same time, the doctor from AIDS Clinic introduced the Society for AIDS Care (SAC) to us. SAC nurse, Nurse Choi, taught me and my husband how to take the medicine, healthy diet knowledge, prenatal and postnatal care and parenting skills. With the support of Nurse Choi, I firmly adhered to the treatment and control the viral load to an undetectable level. Nurse Choi regularly visited me and gave me emotional support. She also arranged us to collect rice, oil, pasta and baby products from the Food Bank of SAC. The service helped us a lot when we were in financial difficulties.:

Six months later, my baby came to the world and with real red face at first glance. I just wanted to know if he was healthy. After eighteen months of observation, it was confirmed that my son was not infected and we could let go of our worries. Although there are still many difficulties in the future, my husband and I hope to work hard to take care of this little life and let him grow up healthily.

I am a relatively shy person. In the past, I just dropped in to the SAC Centre occasionally because I was scared of spending time with strangers. Since last year, I have been getting on well with other members in SAC Center. As long as I have had emotional problems or headache, I always share my feelings with them and SAC staff. My stress and pain are relieved after the sharing.

I have also learnt lots of health tips from the workers and the members in SAC Centre. Every week, I enjoy the internet service, badminton group, dance class, stretching exercise and health workshop held there. Whenever SAC Center organizes activities such as Mid-Autumn Festival Party, Christmas Party and birthday party, etc, I volunteer to give a helping hand in the preparation work. I am fond of all services provided by SAC Centre. Every time I return home from the centre, I can have a sweet dream.

I joined SAC Centre in 2003 through referral from Nurse Chung. At the beginning, I was not willing to open up myself. I got to know Nurse Lau at first and she is a very considerate and caring person. She always consoled me on my health and provided advice on my living conditions. Time went by and I got to know many good friends there. I felt my life had broadened immensely and my social life expanded.

A glowing angel Nurse May Ko appeared when I developed severe depression in 2005. She is an extremely kind-hearted person and she treated me like a family member. She has saved me by pulling me out from my dark valley. With her full support, I have regained my confidence and now I am a much happier person. I wish to give my heartfelt thanks to SAC Center.

When I was younger, I never used condoms when having sex. I found out I am HIV positive when I went to government clinics to treat my sexual transmitted disease. I was greatly shocked and felt the world collapsed. I did not know what to do but only thought of how to die. I neither cried on anyone’s shoulder, nor anyone could have straightened me out. I dared not tell my family, friends and colleagues about it as I knew that I would be excluded then. Doctor required me to attend the next consultation but I rejected. I did not mind as I thought I am going to die anyway. Since then, SAC nurse contacted me but I never took a look of them. Sometimes, I even treated them rudely.

Several years later, I was suddenly experiencing short of breath and felt dizzy. Nurse Ko, SAC nurse, accompanied me to the hospital. I was critically ill and my sister was informed of my HIV status by the doctor. She was very concerned about me. Her comfort and care had driven me to keep up my treatment.

A lot of illusion occurred at the beginning of my treatment. Without any reasons, I turned on the television and radio loudly and wandered at home. I could not sleep and had bad temper. But my sister and Nurse Ko never gave up on taking care of me. I know that they had such hard time. I once forgot to take medicine on time and wandered on the street, fortunately Nurse Ko found me and took me home. Relied on her endless reminders and care, my leg movement has totally recovered now.

I always want to be the number one and feel that men only weep when deeply grieved. Facing my HIV infection, I could not help to shed tears. Right now, I just want to tell people: Don’t reject treatment! Practice Safer Sex and always use Condoms!

Hello, everybody! I am an AIDS patient, thirteen years old. I love blue colour. My hobby is drawing. My dream is to become a painter. Also, I like swimming, playing badminton and soccer. Although I am short, thin and weak, I have a clever mind.

When I was one year old, my mother was infected with HIV unfortunately. Death took her life quickly soon after. HIV/AIDS is detestable like a terrible parasite. After sucking my mother’s blood, it pounced upon me and tried to stick its sharp poisoned teeth into my body. I was tested positive for the virus too and was sent to Queen Mary Hospital for treatment. In a very long time I can only rely on medication to control my illness.

When I was three, my father took me to Kunming, capital of Yunnan province in China. From then on, I started my new life there. Although I live in China with my dad, I need to continue my treatment and consultation in Hong Kong. Since then, I received endless support from staff of SAC. They helped me and other children living with AIDS.

When I went to the clinic, they came to see me! When I was sick, they cared about me! When I was unhappy, they accompanied me! When I was boring, they played with me! When I had difficulties, they helped me!

They took every care of me, especially the nurse Ms. Yim. She greeted me every hour, every day. I am very grateful for her care and help. They have also specially raised some special funding for me to support my traveling and living expenses when my dad and I are in Hong Kong.

When I was three and a half years old, I went to kindergarten. Every kid liked to play with me. I spent a happy childhood there. When I was six and a half years old, I went to study primary one. The time in primary school seemed to draw a starting line for me. Going to Hong Kong for treatment became a routine in my life.

From primary one to primary three, my study was bad and I always received the lowest ranking in school. My school result became worse and worse. Later on, I changed to another school and my ranking improved a little.

Every time when I came to Hong Kong, I was not obvious as carrying a small bag. However, when I went back to Kunming, my luggage was doubled and was fully packed with my bottles of medicine. I thought my father’s life is shortened by helping me to carry the luggage day after day, year after year in all these years.

When I came for treatment early this year, I was told to take pills instead of liquid medicine. Oh! That means I do not have to carry a heavy luggage full of bottles anymore. My luggage is much lighter! I was so happy and crazy! I want to thank Ms. Yim and all SAC staff once again. It’s their sweat and pains taking effort that make me stand here today. I would like to thank Dr. Chiu at Queen Mary Hospital as well. I will never forget your care and support!

About a year ago, one night, I sat on the edge of balcony window, swinging one leg outside of the window, decided to commit suicide. I could not believe that I was diagnosed with lymphomas when I went to the hospital because of stomach pain. After the surgery, the doctor informed me that I am also infected with HIV/AIDS. I could not believe it and wished to commit suicide by jumping down from my apartment. “What if this does not cause my death, but just makes my legs or arms broken, what can I do?”, when I thought that my body would be badly mutilated…… Don’t laugh at me. I am an aestheticism. I wish I can die perfectly.

Living with confusion and frustration, I started the HIV/AIDS treatment in Kowloon Bay clinic after leaving the hospital. Their social workers transferred my case to SAC Centre. At the beginning, in fear of getting infection in the community, I stayed at home mostly. Ms. Yim, SAC nurse, frequently visited me. She taught me the knowledge of HIV/AIDS and the information of medicine for the treatment.

I am not a highly educated person. My life relies on hard labor working. Because of my illness, I become jobless and relied by social security assistance. I am the youngest one in my family, having one brother and one sister. I asked the doctor to tell them I have HIV. Fortunately, they do not discriminate against me but greatly support and take care of me, especially my sister, who always encourages and visits me. Her feeling is consoled by nurse as well. My sister’s anxiety is much relieved after she receives SAC’s service and learns the knowledge of HIV/AIDS. The only thing made me unhappy is my most trusted friend left me after he knew I was infected. He did not even give me a call. But I do not blame him.

After taking one year of chemo-treatment, my health, as well as my mood, improves a lot. Sometimes, I work as a volunteer in SAC Centre. Currently, I start the body training program and frequently visit my sister. I wish that I can re-integrate the society as soon as possible.

In 2000, my health condition was so worse and I had been living in hospital for more than 3 months. The disease made me so painful that I had ever thought of committing suicide. Indeed I understand everyone will die once in a lifetime, but I would prefer to die naturally. With this thinking, I gave up the thought of suicide. However, my health was very poor that my mother had to take care of my daily living. Although I knew that my mother would not be infected by the virus through daily contacts, I still worried and felt uneasy. Sometimes, I would have emotional outburst, which made us feel sad. Fortunately, my mother kept on taking care of me whole-heartedly.

My life had changed after joining SAC Center through Nurse Yim. I started regular physiotherapy service for physical training. I also joined the center activities, such as BBQ and parties, which made me regain the happiness. With the guidance of the social worker, I had learnt how to use internet and utilize the searching tool to explore many interesting and updated information. My social life has been expanded a lot through participating in different activities and I became much happier.

As time goes by, I have been growing up a lot, both physically and psychologically, for the past 8 years. I learn about what is HIV/AIDS and I accept myself as a person with chronic disease. I have to take proper medication and undergo rehabilitation exercise regularly. Now, I can even live independently and take care of myself. In order to prevent myself from depression again, I have learnt how to keep calm while facing problems. I always remind myself by saying “Just Try My Best”. During these 8 years, SAC Center had been relocated with personnel changes. I still take the regular physiotherapy treatment service, and sometimes join the outdoor activities, birthday and festival parties to have fun with other members.

Although I am still worrying about the problems I need to face in the future, I believe I could overcome them with my faith. All in all, I hope all people should love themselves and prevent the spreading of HIV/AIDS by practicing safer sex!

Four years ago, I was diagnosed with HIV. Since then, I had never bought a bottle of Coca-cola in that store across the road.

“Uncle Wong, one Coca-cola, please. No bottle deposit and keep the cap for me!” Without waiting for me to finish my sentence, Uncle Wong had already opened the sliding door of the fridge, popped the crown cap with an opener and stuck the smoky bottle on my hand. The big prize below that bottle cap was always waiting for me. Another hot summer, another young guy.

Who knows? The store was far away from me, not even existed in my world…..two sharp stings made both my physical and mental health burst like bubbles, torturing me and crucifying me on a sickbed.

One of the stings was AIDS. It caused the collapse of my immune system thoroughly and distorted my life. Complications, opportunistic infections and side effect caused by HAART weakened my body mechanism and self-care ability. As a result, although being a young man, I became vulnerable like a fragile old man and suffered from frequent headaches and diarrhoea. I could barely take off my jacket even on a blazing hot summer day.

Another sting is emotional disorder. On one hand, depression crushed my rationality, trampled my confidence, and tempted me to commit suicide; on the other hand, panic disorder imprisoned me in the cage of fear:

going out alone drives me into anxiety attacks. Streets, pedestrians, and even the sky are threatening me. Thereafter, I won’t leave home without my mum’s companion. No matter it was having a follow-up consultation or buying groceries in the supermarket.

“The Valley of the Shadow of Death” depicted my life at that moment: no light, no way-out, no bottle cap and no dreams. All was about desperation flowing in my blood vessels, marking a dead end for me. Without work, social life and faith to survive, I was stuck. Even worse, I became a burden to my family with no contribution but a liability comprised of life-long medication and living expense. How could I childishly reach out my hand to request my mum to “buy me a Coca-cola in glass bottle and remember to keep the bottle cap.”? The two stings drowned me.

The Society for AIDS Care relieved me from this ocean of pain. My doctor advised me to have counseling aside from medication so I was referred to SAC, where a professional team of social workers, nurses and physiotherapist unplugged the deep-rooted stings on my heart. Social workers, like the dawn, swept away the cloud by conveying a positive message and facilitating peer support; nurses were like a shower, moistening my soul by dismissing my doubts on health problems and on HIV/AIDS; physiotherapist, as a solid base, provided nutrition and strengthened my body mechanism via physical training.

A person addicted to drinks in glass bottles can barely adapt to those in cans or plastic bottles. Likewise, others are unlikely to understand the pain that people living with HIV/AIDS suffered. Whilst the stress doubled due to discrimination, my heart was eventually consoled and my wounds were healed by love and care. My weight was increased by 8 lbs; instead of being suffocated because of walking, I can go jogging easily. And of course, getting to the store across the street, SAC Day Centre or any places farther away, is a piece of cake to me now.

Recently, Coca-cola stopped the production of 6.5oz glass bottle. From 6.5 oz to 8oz, I am now ready to fight for what I have lost.

Uncle Wong passed me the freezing 8 oz coca-cola, but my eyes will resemble my warm heart from now on.

When I was young, I liked travelling to different countries for experiences. My life was quite crazy, playing for fun, joining sex parties, without protecting myself. I knew something is wrong there, but I lack self-control. I didn’t care anything and I thought I could do anything.

I was admitted to hospital because of herpes zoster infection and drug intoxication. There, I discovered I am HIV+. During my three months stay in hospital, I felt unwell without identifying the reasons and was frustrated.

I was totally stunned when I knew I am HIV positive. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to tell anyone even my family. I started to hate when people sit near me and I hated myself. My disease is real, but I never feel that living with this disease is as bad as others’ imagination. I really hoped that I could die immediately to make me feel easier. I believe I still have a long way in my life, therefore I worried about how to continue my life. I felt I would lose my future.

The medical treatment always causes discomfort, loss of energy and motivation. I was very active in the past but now I don’t have passion to do anything. Even if I want to go to faraway place, my body can’t stand the activities with more than four hours and will be overtired. I deeply understand what chronic disease is. Once I had to change the treatment plan and medications make my skin turns darker with marks that could not be removed.

Doctor asked me why I’m unhappy and convinced me to eat more. I didn’t want to blame anything or anyone, but I really lost the interests and enjoyment in life. I believe it is immoral to spread my sadness to others.

Though I get used to be alone, coming to SAC Center allows me to speak with other people. Days have gone slowly and I am much more relaxed now. But I still insist not to tell anyone about my positive status.

At the beginning, I thought that I coughed for months and got eczema because of insufficient exercise. I tried both Chinese and Western medicine but was not fully recovered. I was very upset. My friend hinted that I should do a HIV test. I told myself to be prepared for the worst result, but I could not hold my panic when I was informed for being HIV positive.

I have a good relationship with my family, but they do not know that I am homosexual. I do not plan to tell them the truth. I was very unhappy when the doctor asked if I had a history of practicing casual sex. Are you suggesting that I deserve this illness? At that time, I suffered from pneumonia and had to stay at hospital. My body was getting thinner quickly and exhausted.

My job industry was quite sensitive towards HIV/AIDS. When my boss came to visit me at hospital, I felt that he had suspected my HIV status. I was scared and have no choice but resigned. I changed to a night shift job. One night, I suffered a stroke which left me partly paralyzed. I stayed at hospital for more than a month. I was very scared and upset. I did not have much savings and was worried about my financial situation. I always felt that the practitioners looked at me through prejudice and bias, and therefore I always cry with emotion.

The stroke affected my legs movement ability. I was referred to SAC Center and took the physiotherapy treatment for more than a year. I did exercise hard to recover my pain. I participated in the activities at Center and met some new friends. My heart opened gradually and tried not to get into a dead end. Two of my closest friends know my HIV status. Their companions and supports allow me to unburden my grievances and loneliness. Now, I do not feel so much pressure and somehow understand my future development, though I still keep my secret of having AIDS from my family, and that still makes me uncomfortable.